genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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