I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize