you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
