i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
