If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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