ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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