and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
