So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
