I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
