threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
