So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
