Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
