I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
