I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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