Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
