i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
