I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
