I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
