My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
