Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
