I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize