Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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