after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
