so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
