Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
