If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
