Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
