when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
