After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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