I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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