I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am naked and annoyed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize