did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The uberlube is also flammable
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
