Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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