Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
