I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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