I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize