I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
