And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
