Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
