i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
