I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
