Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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