My first STD was from a foam party
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
