im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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