after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
