I will die if light touches me.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize