the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I love having hate sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
