I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
