Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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