Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
