He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
