About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
