Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
