i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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