Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
