Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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