My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
