My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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