I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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