ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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