My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
