He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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