one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
