i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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