I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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